After by Francis Chalifour (Post #6)

A Facebook Executive's Candid Post About Grief

The news article that I have chosen is about Sheryl Sandberg publishing a post on Facebook expressing her feelings and concerns one year after her husband died. The reason I chose this was that many of the concerns she expressed were similar to Francis’ thoughts and feelings.

The author, Kate Dailey, included some excerpts of the post in her article:

"I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning," Sheryl Sandberg wrote. "These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well. But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning."

This quotation reminds me of Francis throughout the book. At first, he gave in to the void, but later on, through counselling and talking to friends, he chose life and meaning. At the end of book, which fast forwards a few years later, he mentions that he still has those moments of emptiness, but still chooses life and meaning, just like Sheryl.

Sheryl received a lot of support from her followers and many people commented their experiences. One woman, Julie Marbles wrote, “It's like being hit in the nose: it always hurts just as much but you learn to keep fighting. We learn to breathe. We learn to accept that sometimes out of the blue grief is going to visit with us. And the road we were on is no longer the same, nor is the destination nor are the risks and fears and dangers.”

Her quote relates back to both Francis and Sheryl. It can be said that although there are many coping mechanisms when dealing with grief, this is the central message behind it. Even though it’s hard, you learn to accept it and move on. 

After by Francis Chalifour (Post #5)

Throughout the book, we see Francis step up to take care of his mother and younger brother. Although it seemed like a forced action at first, as he was incapable of taking care of himself, by the end of the novel, we see that it has become a part of him naturally. The song, “Keep Holding On”, by Avril Lavigne, reminds me of Francis’ actions of stepping up and lending a helping hand. It is an empowering movement, as he was succumbed by grief, but still managed to pull through. His actions show that he was healing because as time went by, he stepped up more, which meant that he was capable of coping with the tragedy.

“You're not alone. Together we stand. I'll be by your side; you know I'll take your hand. When it gets cold and it feels like the end. There's no place to go, you know I won't give in. No, I won't give in.”

To me, this verse means, “You don’t have to worry. You have me. I’ll fight for you.” The relationship described between these two people reminds me of the relationship between Francis and his younger brother, Luc. Luc is only 5 when the death occurs, so he is still innocent and does not know the true meaning of death. Maman is numb and unable to fulfill her responsibilities as a mother, which is natural when grieving the loss of a loved one, so Francis has to step up and take care of Luc. “My little brother. My little Luc. It hit me how much life is like poker…Luc’s cards were pretty dire for a kid so young” (Chalifour 57). This quote shows that Francis is concerned and protective of Luc. He even goes on to remind himself to “ask” Papa how to take care of Luc. Francis truly cares for Luc and tries his best to ensure that Luc doesn’t have anything to worry about.

“Keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Just stay strong, cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you. There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do, there's no other way when it comes to the truth. So, keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through.” The chorus reminds me of the relationship between Francis, and his mother and Luc. Though it may not be transparent that the relationship consists of this, I noticed that after each confrontation between Francis and his mother, it made her stronger. The characters fed off the unspoken positivity, which strengthened their relationship, and made them stronger as an individual.

The bridge of the song, “Hear me when I say, when I say I believe. Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny. Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly,” reflects Francis’ thinking in the end. He comes to terms with the fact that whatever happened is not going to change. He accepted the harsh truth that his father committed suicide and moved on with his life. 

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (Film)

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas is the story of a 9 year old German boy named Bruno, who befriends Shmuel, a 9 year old Jewish boy, during the Holocaust. They meet when Bruno goes to explore the forest surrounding his new home and stumbles across the concentration camp that his father was managing. The lack of knowledge for both Bruno and Shmuel about the anti-Semitism and horrors of the camps bring the two close and they meet almost daily to play games and share food that Bruno brings. As the story progresses, the bond between the two grows stronger as Shmuel forgives Bruno for not standing up for him during a confrontation with Lieutenant Kotler. In an effort to redeem himself, Bruno decides to help Shmuel find his father, who never returned from a "march". The day Bruno and his sister are supposed to leave to a relative's house, he goes to the camp, digs under the fence, and dresses in a pair of striped pyjamas provided by Shmuel. At the same time, his mother realizes he is missing, alerts her husband, and their search leads them to the camp, where they see Bruno's discarded clothes and the hole under the fence. However, by the time they arrive, Bruno is in the gas chamber with Shmuel, unable to be saved.

The story reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. In the play, Romeo and Juliet are enemies, unbeknownst to each other, and fall in love. Even after finding out about their families' feud, their bond is still strong. Similarly, in The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, Bruno and Shmuel also grow very close, despite being enemies. Throughout the movie, Bruno is exposed to Nazi propaganda by his sister and his tutor, however, this does not change his view of Shmuel as a person. He does not conform to his family's anti-Semitic views. Furthermore, the characters die for each other, the only difference being that Bruno and Shmuel were unaware that a "shower" meant being gassed. 

Another similarity between these two would be the families realizing that their actions killed their children. "Where be these enemies- Capulet! Montague!/See what a scourge is laid upon your hate/That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love!/And I, for winking at your discords, too/Have lost a brace of kinsmen..." (V.iii.308-312). Essentially, the Prince's statement of the deaths leads to Capulet and Montague realizing that their rivalry caused the deaths of their children: "Poor sacrifices of our enmity" (V.iii.320). When Bruno's father realizes his son is killed in the gas chamber, the look on his face portrays guilt and horror. He realizes this his actions indirectly killed his son.



Before watching the movie, I was unaware of the extent of Nazi propaganda. It is quite interesting and shocking to see how these anti-Semitic views are imposed on children as young as Bruno, as well as, the fact that propaganda was used in various forms to reach these children- educational books and stories. It was also just as shocking to see how easily people believed it, a prime example being Bruno's sister. At the same time, this movie did an excellent job at portraying the confusion a child around Bruno's age would feel because they are constantly told that Jews are bad and they shouldn't exist, but they're not given a proper reason why. They are just expected to believe what they are told.

Personally, watching this movie had a huge impact on me in the sense that the Holocaust felt a lot more real. The movie didn't need mass killing to prove a point. The treatment of Jewish servants, brainwashing propaganda, and curiosity of young minds said enough. One of the biggest things that stuck out to me was the fact that despite being treated cruelly by Germans, the Jews were still genuinely kind. Shmuel was a great example of that- he forgave Bruno despite him not speaking the truth, which led to Shmuel being beat up.  Another example of this would be the servant, Pavel, who serves the family without saying a word and even helps Bruno when he falls off the swing and hurts himself. 

After by Francis Chalifour (Post #4)

The Darkness of My Mind is a spoken word poem written by me, which represents what it is like to have depression. A member of my family, whom I am very close to, has been suffering from depression for many years. I have seen this person at their best and at their worst. I am unable to help this person as much as I want to, so it has influenced me to pursue psychology and counselling. I want to be able to help others overcome this mental disorder.

This spoken word poem depicts how Francis' father felt before he committed suicide. I believe that people sometimes have to go through the disorder in order to truly understand its effect. Therefore, having this poem written from Papa's point of view gives those who have not experienced the disorder some insight on what the world is like.

The Darkness of My Mind

I see darkness

To my left and to my right

It surrounds me 

I cannot find the light

Told to snap out of it

But you don't understand

You sweep my problems under a rug

And force my body to take the drug

The drug that only clouds my mind

But how does that solve my problems?

You see, my problem is not like math

Solved with a calculator, maybe a graph

My problem is me because I can't control

These demons that threaten to take my life

But you can help by doing one thing

Not conforming to what society believes

Listen to me, understand what I'm going through

But when I get stubborn, please know I don't mean to 

The darkness is scary, the silence frightens me

Time and patience will only save me

But if I pull a knife or tie a noose

Its because I've given up and so have you.

After by Francis Chalifour (Post #3)

Grief is hard to overcome. It attacks in many different forms- physical, behavioural, social, etc. However, it is not the end of the world, even though it sometimes feels like it is. There are many ways to deal with it.

This is a visual that I created. It portrays the idea of dealing with grief through various methods in order to find the key that will unlock all the negative feelings inside, so that one can heal.

Inside the chains you see feelings of sadness, loneliness, and more. Francis’ feelings of a broken heart and fear of alienation for being known as “Son of Suicide Man” is also portrayed, as well as, two drama masks which show that Francis has two different faces- the sadness he feels inside and the happiness that he shows others. Surrounding the chains are the various methods of coping. Talking to someone, maybe even a professional, reading, writing, immersing yourself in music, etc., can help people find that key. Francis uses the talking method. When he visits the school psychologist, Mr. Bergeron, he opens up about his feelings of guilt, to which Mr. Bergeron helps him look at in a different light (Chalifour 67). From there, Francis goes to a support group, which he refers to as the “Lost a Parent Club”. He continues the healing process by talking to a girl named Julia and learning her story (75).  The “grief attacks” start occurring less frequently and by the end of the book, he is able to carry on in life without feeling restricted by the death.

As Anne Roiphe said, “Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.”

After by Francis Chalifour (Post #2)

In my previous blog, I discussed the effects of depression, the stigma about it, and the impacts of suicide on loved ones. Today, I want to talk about a social issue that goes hand in hand with this- grief. People mourn the death of their loved ones in different ways; some scream and cry, losing complete control of themselves and surrendering to the pain, while others suffer in silence. 

To begin, I'd like to share this article about a doctor mourning the death of a young patient whom he was unable to save.

Paramedic Mourning Death of Young Patient

The EMT in this article reminds me of Francis because they share a similar story. Both were unable to save someone they cared about. Both cried in pain at the loss of someone who didn't deserve to be lost. Both felt responsible for the deaths even though nothing much could be done. Just as how doctors learn to accept that some patients have an inevitable death, Christopher accepts it as well, after talking to the school psychologist, Mr. Bergeron.

“Do you feel guilty?”  His [Mr. Bergeron] voice was gentle.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“If I hadn’t gone to New York, he couldn’t have killed himself.”

“Don’t you think he would have done it another day?” (Chalifour 67)

The last line in the dialogue made Christopher realize that the suicide is not entirely his fault. Mr. Bergeron continues on to explain that it is normal to feel guilty, it is normal to feel pain, and it is normal to cry. It is normal for Christopher to feel everything he has felt so far. When he leaves the office, Christopher thinks to himself, “So, I wasn’t a grief freak. I was normal” (68). Although he still feels upset, he also feels better because he is able to share his thoughts and feelings with someone else without the fear of being called “Son of Suicide Man”.

The picture below is my depiction of grief. Many are unable to grieve in front of others. Instead, they keep to themselves. Cries of help cannot be spoken because it is a sign of weakness. Many are not allowed to feel weak because they are forced to be strong. They are forced to be strong, not for themselves, but for others. 

The song I have chosen is “Slipped Away” by Avril Lavigne. This song is about missing a loved one that has died and being unable to accept the reality that they will never return. I think that the lyrics fit very well with how Francis feels. 

For example, "I didn't get around to kiss you/Goodbye on the hand/I wish that I could see you again/I know that I can't," represents how Francis wishes he had stayed home instead of going on the trip. It also portrays the need that Francis has to interact with his father, such as, when he attempted to shave for the first time, but was never taught how to. The urge to talk to his father comes out when he is doing something that is typically a father-son activity, like shaving, or when he learns that his best friend, Houston, is being taught how to drive by his father (61). 

The lyrics, "I had my wake up/Won't you wake up/I keep asking why/I can't take it/It wasn't fake/It happened, you passed by" mirror Francis' reactions to the death. When he comes to the realization that his father is dead, he begins to question why it had to be his father who died and why was he unable to save his father. 

After by Francis Chalifour (Post #1)

The social issue developed in the novel so far revolves around depression and suicide.

Through Francis' eyes, we learn that society does not accept suicidal death, but rather things like poverty. "...being poor was not as big a deal as being Son of Suicide Man" (Chalifour 30). We also learn that Francis is ashamed. "I was ashamed to say my father was dead. I was ashamed to say he committed suicide" (36).



Along with this shameful feeling, Francis faces other feelings, such as, guilt and confusion. He knows that his father was depressed and suicidal, and as a result, followed him around to make sure he didn't hurt or kill himself. Francis feels guilty for going on the trip, thinking that Papa was better. This shows there is somewhat of a stigma revolving around depression. This article about Robin William's suicide explains it further.

Robin William's Suicide

Its not just feeling sad: This section of the articles explains the feelings of hopelessness, loss of appetite, irregular sleep, worthlessness, and isolation. Dr. Oren Amity says, "Just because it goes away, doesn't mean its gone forever."
This quote is very true in Francis' situation. He went on the trip because he thought Papa was fine, but he didn't realize that the same feelings were there, simply being covered by a mask (12).

You can't just snap out of it: In this section of the article, Dr. Amity explains that depression is often triggered by a major life event and time alone will not cure it.
This relates back to Papa because the reason behind him having depression was a back injury that left him unable to work in the shipyard, which he loved. "...depressed since he lost his job a couple of years ago...loved the sea and the broad St. Lawrence...never the same after he lost that job..." (10). Clearly, Papa had been depressed for several years, but there was no improvement in his condition.

Its not always obvious to family and friends: Dr. Amity explains that some individuals are good at compartmentalizing, which makes it hard for those around the individual to truly see that he or she is suffering. Most often, this is the case with celebrities, including Robin Williams.
Once again, this is the same situation that Francis encounters. His father had managed to mask his emotions, leaving an impression on Francis that he was capable of being alone without hurting himself. However, this turned out to be false because as soon as Francis left for New York, Papa committed suicide (12).

It doesn't discriminate: Depression can affect anyone at any age. It shouldn't be a reason for alienation because many will suffer from some form of mental illness.
However, in After, society does discriminate. The suicidal result of Papa's depression is seen as abnormal. Francis clearly expresses his fear of being labeled as "Son of Suicide Man" by keeping his father's death a secret from those who previously did not know because he doesn't want to be isolated.



The photograph that I have taken below is my depiction of suicide. Words are forever lost because of deaf ears and taped mouths. An apology is written to take blame for harm done to others when the only harm done was of those who did not listen.

Another thing that should not be overlooked are the feelings and thoughts experienced by those who face this loss. I wrote a poem, Carry On, to depict how Francis feels and what he must face after Papa's death.

Carry On

Carry on, carry on, carry on

Glass walls cannot hide my sorrow

Makes me untouchable; no hand to shoulder,

But see my agony, I cannot break free.

Carry on, carry on, carry on

“Be strong, take care of them,” they say,

But how will I, when my soul is adrift?

Glass walls please turn into bricks.

Carry on, carry on, carry on

Tell me that I should have known

So I can finally believe this guilt is real

And break my fractured bones.

Carry on, carry on, carry on

The noose constrains all my thoughts

I lost what I loved and died deep down inside

“Carry on,” they say, but I cannot. 

Battle for Independence Leaves Three Dead

Author: Parin Mistry

Published: June 17, 1924, The Dublin Daily

            As Ireland continues to be plagued by violence in the battle for independence, three members of the Free Staters were found dead last night near O’Connell Bridge in the capital, Dublin, sent to their grave by a Republican sniper.

            Discovered this morning, near the bridge, a turret lay idling in the middle of the road, a middle-aged man collapsed against it suffering from a fatal head shot. In the gutter lay the other Free Stater, a young woman. Further down O’Connell Street lay the third dead Free Stater, a young man.

            A sniper and cap belonging to the Republicans was found at the scene of the crime, suggesting that they were responsible for the three deaths.

            A machine gun shooter from the Free Staters, who was positioned near O’Connell Street, reported to his commanding officer, “I saw a young lad wearing a Republican badge dart into O’Connell Street before disappearing from my line of sight. I was unable to kill him. I never saw him again after that.”

            Another witness, Fellena MacCabe, who was hiding in one of the buildings nearby exclaimed, “I heard two gunshots go off, and then another one shortly after. All I saw was a sniper and cap on the ground, and dead bodies when I peeked out the window.”

            As the country continues to fight for Independence, citizens hope that cities, like Dublin, do not continue to be painted red by the strokes of steel. 

O'Connell Bridge - the sight of the three deaths.

"The Sniper" Summary and Theme

     A conflict between the Republicans and Free Staters results in death. The Sniper, on the side of the Republicans, lay behind a parapet one night in Dublin. Being fired at for lighting a cigarette gives the Sniper his enemy's location; on the roof of the opposite building. Then, he shoots and kills two people in the street, who are aware of his hideout. However, a wound on his arm from a bullet disables him from using his rifle to kill his enemy, so he can escape. The Sniper uses his cap and rifle to feign his death, in order to lure his enemy out of cover. Once unprotected, the Sniper shoots and kills the enemy with a revolver, immediately feeling remorse and spitefulness towards the war and himself, losing all want to battle. This feeling quickly passes as he almost shoots himself accidentally and decides to leave the roof. Curious as to who the enemy was, the Sniper goes over to the lifeless body, only to discover the enemy was his brother.


     I think the message that the author is trying to send is that there are no restrains in war. There isn't an age requirement to participate, as the Sniper was a student, a young man: "His face was the face of a student" (O'Flaherty 86). Also, there are no limitations to who is killed. Gender and family ties disappear once in battle: "The woman darted toward the side street. The Sniper fired again" (87). Although women are generally left out of battle, the author shows that its not true entirely. "Then the Sniper turned over the dead boy and looked into his brother's face" (89). Although unaware that the enemy was his brother, there was never any thought given toward the possibility that the person he was trying to kill could be family. Throughout the story, there is a message of "kill or be killed" and is expressed very well by the Sniper, as he doesn't hesitate to do so. Being able to kill another person without any thought of family and gender, as well as, being young yourself, shows that there really are no boundaries in war.

Ishmael Beah: A Former Child Soldier

Connections:
One similarity I found in particular would be that the story and the article both discuss the easy influence of violence on children.
In the video, Ishmael talks about how seeing the violence right in front of you desensitizes you and makes you believe that it is okay. You begin to lose yourself and accept the commanders of the army as your family.
The same goes with violence in media that is shown to kids at a young age. Their minds are easily influenced, so, they begin accepting this violence as normal if they are exposed to it when young.

One difference I found was that the article states that media should not show anything related to violence and children. It is said that by seeing or hearing about teenagers in particular who are associated with any sort of violence can lead to the copycat behaviour in other children. However, Ishmael Beah uses media to tell his story of being a child soldier, in order to promote awareness. He wants to educate people about this issue and describes his story, which includes talk about gun violence and murder. The two ideas contradict each other.

Challenges:
One of the ideas presented here is that using child soldiers is bad, but I want to challenge that. Perhaps the use of child soldiers in war can have a positive outcome overall.
Another idea I want to challenge is that once you're pulled into the war and become a soldier, you lose yourself amidst the violence and start believing it is home. I think that you don't necessarily lose yourself, but rather you learn how to suppress the emotions telling you that what you're doing is wrong because your main goal is to survive.

Concepts:
A concept worth holding onto would be the affect of violence on young children and how it can change the way they think for the rest of their life. Another concept would be the use of child soldiers in war. And finally, the ideas and thoughts that run through a child soldier once they are rescued and put into rehabilitation centres because they have been conditioned to think the opposite of what rehab is trying to achieve.

Changes:
Ishmael talked about how he was isolated when he went back to school because he was seen as a killer, despite spending 8 months in rehab to recover. This suggests that we should change the way we react to people, especially the young, because certain situations condition them to become someone else, but we don't give them the chance to show that they are not that person anymore. In Ishmael's situation, it seems that he wasn't given the opportunity to redeem himself.

Another thing that got me to change my thinking is in regards to hostility towards child soldiers. I realize that people are put in certain situations without any choice, but that doesn't give me the right to label them and treat them a certain way because of it. In Ishmael's case, he was forced to become a child soldier, yet, in rehab, all the workers treated him like he was a child instead of a killer. They didn't let that label of "murderer" influence the way they treated him, which I think is something everyone should do and also be given. 

Chapel Hill Shooting

Chapel Hill Shooting Article

     Recently, there was a shooting. Craig Stephen Hicks, 46, was arrested for shooting 3 Muslim students on Tuesday evening. The shooting occurred at Chapel Hill, a condominium complex near the University of North Carolina campus. Police state that the shooting occurred over a parking dispute, but family members of the victims say it was a hate-crime. Through social media, news quickly spread worldwide to the Muslim community and a Facebook page was created in honour of the three victims, sparking lots of outrage, as well as, grief. Chapel Hill police are still investigating this crime.
     This really stands out to me in the fact that it can be considered a hate-crime. I've been bullied based on my ethnicity, so I connect with the racial discrimination aspect of the article. This connection extends my understanding of the concept of war and conflict because it is something I've read about and experienced, as well. I understand that conflicts don't necessarily have to occur at large scales, such as, the conflict between Syria and Jordan and that there are many different reasons why conflicts can occur, some of which may be unclear.